I started dieting on May 15, 2020. Welcome to my journey.
My Fast Track Week Five – Day 7
Previously, I made a fifteen-week meal plan. This is week five, day 7; however, I have not yet switched to the liquid only diet. I have been feeling light-headed. I think I have taken this diet to an extreme and put myself under too much pressure.
I have been dieting now for almost two months and I am holding steady at 250 pounds. This means I am just breaking even with my calorie counting – not burning more calories than I am eating. Now that I am conscious of what I eat, I’m going to see what happens if I stop stressing about losing weight and stop counting calories, just being mindful of what I eat and doing a little exercising every day.
So what’s on my mind today? Well, I have been thinking a lot about my mental health since I missed two days of work recently. I think I am putting a lot of pressure on myself between now having a day job, launching a business, and running three blogs that are accustomed to daily fresh content. I have not been sleeping as much as I need to and I think although I am dieting, I am just gaining back whatever pounds I lose because of stress weight.
I went through some of my photos and here is what I found…
Friends, these are all pictures of the same person by name, but totally different people by experience. I ask myself how I could be any of these people, since I am me. I can almost not believe how my face has changed over the years. I can recall who I was in every photo – when Bi-Polar was leading the way, or when Schizophrenia reared its ugly head, or when Major Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sank in. It reminds me that Bi-Polar disorder used to be called, multiple personality disorder. I can only relate to one of these pictures, and that is odd because two of them were taken this year. It just proves that I am changing everyday. I just thank the Lord that I am finally changing for the better.
In order to be successful, people with mental illnesses like mine need to learn how to consolidate or streamline their personalities and focus on a common positive goal. Lately, despite all I am doing to better my life and the lives of my family, I have been feeling very… unconsolidated,… (yes, that is the word I am looking for – like a pot of soil that is loose in structure and not ready for the abundance of rain – new beginnings). This is my major stress red card: when I am feeling confused about what I should do next. I have to go back to the scripture, 1 Corinthians 14:33
33 for God [who is the source of their prophesying] is not a God of confusion and disorder but of peace and order. As [is the practice] in all the churches of the saints (God’s people), (AMP)
So why am I feeling confused about what I am supposed to be doing? My Father is not the author of confusion. Where is this blurr coming from? This is an attack of my enemy.
I became vulnerable by doing too much for personal gain and not focusing on the right priorities. Sure, I am keeping busing. However, busyness is not the same as living on purpose. I allowed myself to be pulled in too many directions and it took a toll on my mental health. I don’t want to end up back in the hospital in an on again off again relationship with insanity. I have to start standing for my own mental health the way I would for you.
I am candid and serious about mental health advocacy. I know it is difficult for some people looking on to understand. As an employer, I feel a need to make room for people like myself who often find it challenging to thrive in the workforce because they have to choose between eating and being mentally healthy. By devoting their time to work, they often suffer mental-malnourishment because there is not enough time for self-care or to avoid feeling overwhelmed and helpless about changing their situation.
There are some tough choices I have to make now. Wish me Godspeed.
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In my previous note, I was excited that My Psych Teacher hit 50 likes on Facebook. I am excited to see us standing at 133 and rising this week.
Follow my weight loss journey from the beginning on Facebook. Read My Weight-Loss Journey Day 25. View my weight-loss journey in pictures on Google Photos. Hungry? Check out my cookbook for some awesome recipes!
Music Source: “The Sound of Victory” – Vocals by Shenica Graham. Music by VTZ.
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